I've seriously been blown away by the goodness of Jesus this week. One week and so much joy has been in it. One week and I've spent it with AMAZING people who choose to lift each other up and encourage each other. Now here's a small taste into this amazing, God filled, friendship full week.
He knows the desires of my heart:
This summer Jesus has been drawing me closer to Him. He's been asking me the question, "Am I enough?" You know the song, "you can have this world, just give me Jesus," that's what I've been learning. My freshmen year ended and my prayer, my longing, was to be in Monmouth. The home that I have found here is amazing. The joy I have to face the world with Jesus by my side is growing stronger everyday. The community here is full of people who reflect the love of Jesus. Anyway, as my freshmen year ended my prayer was to stay. My prayer went along the lines of, "your will be done, Lord, teach me to trust you throughout it ALL." I lay out my desires for the Lord, asking him a question, can I stay here?"
Side note: The Lord always answers! Whether it's a yes, no, or wait. He does all of this out of love. Love for his children.
Okay, that being said, I spent a few weeks, looking for work and trying to find a place to live. However as every door closed my heart grew sad. It looked like I was going home. ( I might address this later, but I did not want to go home, there was a lot of sadness and loneliness tied with being home." I didn't even consider home, "home", anymore.) As I packed up my stuff and I said goodbye to Monmouth, I thought God was saying no. Now one thing I've learned this year is that when God says no he has something way more amazing planned out for me.
Okay so now I was home, but instead of having a bad attitude and throwing a pity party for one (which I'm pretty good at throwing may I add :) ) I was determined to make this a summer of relying on God. On trusting him, and seeing what I could learn. And learn I did!
The passion that I had to dig into the word everyday was something that I had been missing. Everyday the Lord taught me more about myself, everyday I was reminded that his plan for me was more amazing than I could ever plan. Being home was scary. I struggled. Some nights I felt I was at the lowest of lows. I was bombarded my lies from the devil, I was surrounded by the darkness of the world. One night it got to the worst it had ever gotten. Now normally, when anything happens, and I mean anything, I figure it out myself. Throughout my life I've taught myself that I'm the only one who truly cares about me. That I can fight my own battles. So this night, I was prepared to do just that. Afraid, broken, and surrounded by darkness I was going to go back to relying on myself. Except umm Jesus is bigger!! He wrapped me in his arms, and told me that I couldn't fight this myself. He surrounded me with his love. ( He even sent me friends that encouraged me, who reminded me even more that I didn't have to fight it myself.)
Needless to say, I was being bombarded with lies, and Jesus was crushing each of those with his truth. I was home for one month. In one month I was learning how to rely on the only one who I can whole-heartedly rely on. Seriously, humans will disappoint you no matter how much you love them, ( actually they might disappoint you more.) Jesus doesn't, plain and simple.
Now back to this amazing week. I had opportunities to be in Monmouth for the fourth, and I jumped at the chance. Great fellowship happened, and I left Monday with even stronger friends, and more of an amazement at what He is doing in others lives as well. I was home for a few days and then I came back to Monmouth on Thursday and spent the day with these great friends again. I drove home that night for an interview the next morning. While this was happening I had heard about a job in Monmouth. To clarify, I was in Monmouth Thursday, I heard about a job, called in and said I was interested. Drove home Thursday evening, and had an interview Friday morning. I stepped out of the interview and got a voicemail saying I had the job in Monmouth. With that, I prayed, talked with my parents, and then packed my life into two tubs and drove back down to Monmouth Friday. I was still unsure about the job or where I was going to stay, I just knew that God was leading my into the unknown asking me If I could trust him.
Now here I am. In Monmouth. It still blows mind. The Lord saw the desire of my heart, He also saw that I needed to trust him more. I spent one month home, that I wouldn't trade for anything. It was hard yes, but I needed it. And now I'm here in Monmouth, so excited to see what the Lord is going to do. Every single season that the Lord has put me in has strengthened me even more. Not to say that they weren't hard, because they were! I've just learned that my God is bigger. ( no biggie:) ) He supplies my basic needs (which is amazing in itself ) and then gives me a desire in my heart.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4
"Everything I have seen, has taught me to trust in what I cannot see."
Throughout all of this, I have learned I want Jesus. I want Jesus more than I want a great life, more than I want good friendships, more than I want a relationship, more than I want safety. I want Jesus more than I care about what others think of me. I have seen what living for myself has done. Nothing good has come from it. But when Jesus is the center of my life, when I walk with him, that is where amazing things happen. I want Jesus in every aspect of my life, or I don't want it.
I have learned so much this week that I know I could never write it all, or even have it make sense. However these are a few. I've learned that EVERYONE has a story. I've learned that I LOVE hearing other people's stories. I delight in it, I love seeing how amazing my God is. I 've learned that it's okay to share your story as well. I'm still working on this one as well. I've learned to put my story in a 5 minute space. Not really showing how I feel about it. I'm working on being okay with sharing it. I'm working on understanding that people care when they ask. I'm working on being raw.
I've learned to rely on Him. He won't disappoint.
I've learned that it's okay to rely on others as well. It's okay to share. It's okay to be raw and vulnerable with people. ( I'm still learning this one..) It's okay to ask for help.
Basically, I'm learning.
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