This weekend was an amazing time of learning and growing and God met me, but this post isn't about that. No, it's how after such a glorious time of experiencing Jesus and His healing how hard life can still be.
Following and loving Jesus doesn't mean life is going to be easy, on the contrary we're promised hardships.
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33
This week has been hard. And today has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. However at these points where I can feel my heart being overwhelmed and defeated, I cry out to my Savior.
I can not do it alone. I can't live my life by myself. That's just straight truth. I need a Savior desperately.
God is my father and He comforts me more than anything or anyone ever will.
For the rest of my days I just want to worship the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. I want to fall at his feet in praise. This life was given to me by the Lord, but it's not mine. No I continually have to give it back to God. Everything I have is yours Jesus.
Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
P.S.
This blog was more for me then anyone else, but I have come to realize that when I choose to write out the truths God puts in my life how much I can see God in my life. He promises that He will never leave you or forsake you, how amazing is that?
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Redeemed
These last couple months have been crazy. Summertime feels so long ago, and honestly I wish I could go back to those days. I guess you could say I'm reminiscing.
But now I'm three weeks into my sophomore year and it's all coming so fast.
This isn't meant to sound depressing but these last couple weeks, surrounded with so many people around me, I've never felt lonelier. I miss my friends this summer. Friends I could go to and who could look into my heart and see what I was going through. I never thought I would say this, but I miss being raw and real with folks.
This summer was a season of fortitude for the things to come. It was a season of change, strength, and joy. It was also a time that I felt truly loved and known.
“Be still, and know that I am God."
I remember a sermon this summer that talked about this verse ( Psalm 64:10) Fun fact about Stefani, this is one of my favorite verses, it's so simple and a constant reminder that in the middle of the chaos of life to just be still. As storms rage on I can let my cares go and rely on my creator.
And yet, I've forgotten this. I've forgotten to give all my cares to Him. So many times this month I've been at the end of my rope and somehow I have kept going. I've been both physically and mentally exhausted and yet, I wake up the next day and just keep going.
Life is busy. But honestly, when is it not?
This isn't a complaint but more of a realization that I have been living life. But not LIVING life. I miss this summer when I was seeking the Lord with all my heart. When my favorite part of my day was worshiping and digging into the word and fellowshipping.
But now I'm super deep into my school year and I've lost that.
And I'm ready to get it back. You have to consciously choose Jesus.
It's not easy. But nothing easy is worth having.
The world tells you that when you're tired, or lonely or confused that you just have to stay busy. Fill your life, with friends, with stuff.
The truth?
At our deepest, lowest point, He's willing to draw you out of it. And not with stuff. Nope just Him.
Now it's time that I go back to the simplicity that started this blog in the first place.
Just Jesus and Me.
But now I'm three weeks into my sophomore year and it's all coming so fast.
This isn't meant to sound depressing but these last couple weeks, surrounded with so many people around me, I've never felt lonelier. I miss my friends this summer. Friends I could go to and who could look into my heart and see what I was going through. I never thought I would say this, but I miss being raw and real with folks.
This summer was a season of fortitude for the things to come. It was a season of change, strength, and joy. It was also a time that I felt truly loved and known.
“Be still, and know that I am God."
I remember a sermon this summer that talked about this verse ( Psalm 64:10) Fun fact about Stefani, this is one of my favorite verses, it's so simple and a constant reminder that in the middle of the chaos of life to just be still. As storms rage on I can let my cares go and rely on my creator.
And yet, I've forgotten this. I've forgotten to give all my cares to Him. So many times this month I've been at the end of my rope and somehow I have kept going. I've been both physically and mentally exhausted and yet, I wake up the next day and just keep going.
Life is busy. But honestly, when is it not?
This isn't a complaint but more of a realization that I have been living life. But not LIVING life. I miss this summer when I was seeking the Lord with all my heart. When my favorite part of my day was worshiping and digging into the word and fellowshipping.
But now I'm super deep into my school year and I've lost that.
And I'm ready to get it back. You have to consciously choose Jesus.
It's not easy. But nothing easy is worth having.
The world tells you that when you're tired, or lonely or confused that you just have to stay busy. Fill your life, with friends, with stuff.
The truth?
At our deepest, lowest point, He's willing to draw you out of it. And not with stuff. Nope just Him.
Now it's time that I go back to the simplicity that started this blog in the first place.
Just Jesus and Me.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Brokenness: and how I'm finding healing.
Brokenness: verb;
Lastly here's a song that has rocked my world this past week. So much so that every single word is exactly what my life is right now. I encourage you listen to it. :)
1. reduced to fragments; fragmented.
2. ruptured; torn; fractured.
3. not functioning properly; out of working order.
These last couple weeks the Lord has been teaching me so many things about myself. Every single day I'm hit with revelations, and I'm shown how he works best in my weakness. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.)
About a week ago though, it hit me. So simply, and so true. I came to the realization that I'm broken. A complete mess. Now, I know this might sound super elementary, we're all broken, yes, but have you ever let that sink in? As I was having coffee with an amazing woman of God, I was hit with this fact. And yes, it was like someone turned the light on in a dark room. I think I might have even sighed with deep relief. Being broken and admitting it is the first step you see, because then that's where healing can take place. When I stepped back and saw my life and how carefully I was trying to hold it all together I could see just how destructive it was.
The interesting thing about this brokenness though, is that I wasn't lying to the world as much as I was lying to myself. I was telling myself that I was fine, when I wasn't.
My brokenness stems from many places and memories. It comes from how I was raised, who I was around, the choices I made, and the choices that were made for me. However, the biggest reason, is that I live in a broken world. This world is broken, and holds broken people living their lives trying to consume anything they think will heal the cracks in their heart.
On an evening stroll with a friend a few nights ago we were talking about how deeply broken we were. A fun conversation to say the least. ;) We talked about how being broken can so easily be covered up in this world, and then almost at the same time, we both blurted out, "It's like we've been trying to cover these hearts of ours with band aids ( super cool band aids of course ) but that won't fix it!" It was an interesting realization of course, but instantly I knew it made sense. When I choose to cover my heart with "band aids" I am choosing to 1. fix the problem instantly, and 2. fix the problem myself.
When you're gardening and you want to get the weeds out it can be so easy to grab the easiest weeds and pull, just grabbing the stem, but the hardest ones have roots. These roots can be imbedded deep, taking time, patience, and some hurt to get them out. But once they're gone you have that space, that once was filled with something ugly, but now with the potential of beauty and healing.
Along with being broken I've realized that we all live with lies that just aren't true. These lies can be new, or lies that have held your life captive since the very beginning. Though there might be many ways of saying it, I have come to the realization that "my lie" is and was that I'm not good enough. That no matter how much I try it just won't be enough. I can see this throughout my whole life. It has kept me from friendships, relationships, and in the end joy. I have been afraid of trying because I have been afraid of failure. What the heck! This brings me so much sadness. You see I never saw it as a lie or being broken, I just saw it as being safe. And I'm done with being safe. I'm pushing the way I used to live aside, and instead I'm arming myself with God's truth. Life will still be broken, and there will still be times I want play it safe, but honestly with God by my side, there is nothing to lose. There is only gain.
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot
Being broken means that I'm fragments of something that was once whole. That God is working on me.
Tying into an earlier post, being broken I so easily want to hide it from the world. But that's where vulnerability is key. As I continue to share my heart with close friends they're still here. They still want to hear, they still want to encourage, and they pray for me. Have I mentioned that God is so GOOD!?
( I voiced the fear to one of my roommates a few days ago that, realizing I'm broken, makes me want to push people away. I feel like I don't have the right to ask anyone to walk life with me because I'm such a mess. I don't feel like burdening anyone.) But that's what grace is. God teaches us how to give grace to others, because he gave us the biggest grace of all.
"... we need not hide all that is ugly and repulsive in us. Jesus comes not for the super-spiritual but for the wobbly and the weak-kneed who know they don't have it all together, and who are not too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace." - The Ragamuffin Gospel
One last point, along with being broken, I have been able to walk along side others who have shared their hearts with me, and shared with me what they are learning. I am finding out that I love hearing others. Listening to them and seeing that I in fact am not the only one who is broken.
An amazing quote that a friend shared with me a couple days ago really resonated with me, here it is.
"Never trust a man until you've seen his limp." - John Mark
Walking life with others means that you share in your brokenness and marvel at the grace of the Savior... together.
I am banishing the idea of walking life by myself. That's not what we were created for.
Lastly here's a song that has rocked my world this past week. So much so that every single word is exactly what my life is right now. I encourage you listen to it. :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Being Vulnerable:
What is love and what does it mean to be vulnerable? I'm still not sure, to be honest, and yet...I'm learning, and here I've decided to write about it.. haha so it's a start. : )
This post is going to have a lot of raw feelings that I'm still trying to figure out but that have been on my heart.
These past few years I've perfected how to close myself off. I've worked on it and I've gotten pretty darn good. I've also accepted a lot of lies that Satan has thrown my way. Today I had a breakthrough and I realized how destructive this all has been. That's right, Jesus is hitting these lies with his TRUTH. I'm being bombarded with his LOVE. Jesus is slowly changing this heart of mine and teaching me that it's okay to let this heart of mine be free. To feel. To feel his truth. Today I put into words what these lies are. These lies that have held me captive for waayyy too long. These lies are....
1. I'm not good enough.
2. I don't deserve good things.
3. I WILL mess up everything.
4. Sharing my feelings is not good.
5. When you're vulnerable people run.
Have I mentioned how good He is though? These are his truths.
1. He died for me, He thinks I'm worth it.
2. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." ~ James 1:17 * Again, He died for me and gave me life through him, and He wants good things for his children.
3. When I walk with him, I'm choosing to give over all my thoughts, actions, and desires to him. I will not fail with him by my side.
4. Fellowship is GOOD! When you come together with others, Jesus in the center, love, tears, and joy overflow!
5. This has taken practice, but as I keep (slowly) opening myself up and sharing, these friends are STILL here. Crazy, and new for me.
All these lies have shown me that the only way to stay safe is to close this heart of mine. Seal it, and never let it see the light of day. And honestly I thought I was pretty content with that. However, back to God wanting good things for his children, he's showing me to be vulnerable to open up. And receive love.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis
Being vulnerable absolutely terrifies me. Right up there with spiders and sharks.. haha The consequences of being vulnerable to me, were fear, rejection, and loneliness. At least that's what I thought. When I was younger I was taught that being vulnerable showed weakness. The first six years of my life was robbed of a childhood, and because of that, I learned quickly to take care of myself. That includes my heart. As I grew up, that never really changed, it only grew stronger.
But this summer Jesus is moving! I know he always has been, but it is only now that I can see it and ready to embrace it. Living in Monmouth is a gift from God!
In simple terms. I'm learning to share. I'm learning to be vulnerable. And it's scaringly, amazingly, FREEING!
Today, I came home after a hard day at work, and instead of closing myself off, and dealing with it myself I chose to share with a close friend of mine. I showed her some nitty gritty, and you know what she didn't run! She stayed and she showered me with love. I am beyond blessed by her friendship, but even more that that, I am awestruck on how Jesus is SHINING from and within her. I actually have tears in my eyes writing this, because I'm overwhelmed by His love. I don't deserve it, it's true, I sin, and make mistakes regularly, but He died for me. He took those sins, and carried them to the cross. So that I can run to Him, run to my Father, and lay everything down. Be free.
That being said, I'm still learning. When someone asks me to share, it's still hard. I still stammer, I still have a hard time looking at them and being real. I still want to close myself off and keep my heart hidden. But you know what? I'm choosing not too. I'm letting Christ give me strength, and open this fragile heart of mine.
P.S. I took the love languages quiz today. ( I highly recommend taking it) My top one was quality time. Say Whaaa? That means I enjoy spending time with people and that's how I feel love. That means being vulnerable! It definitely wasn't before. Jesus is good and he's changing my heart!
This post is going to have a lot of raw feelings that I'm still trying to figure out but that have been on my heart.
These past few years I've perfected how to close myself off. I've worked on it and I've gotten pretty darn good. I've also accepted a lot of lies that Satan has thrown my way. Today I had a breakthrough and I realized how destructive this all has been. That's right, Jesus is hitting these lies with his TRUTH. I'm being bombarded with his LOVE. Jesus is slowly changing this heart of mine and teaching me that it's okay to let this heart of mine be free. To feel. To feel his truth. Today I put into words what these lies are. These lies that have held me captive for waayyy too long. These lies are....
1. I'm not good enough.
2. I don't deserve good things.
3. I WILL mess up everything.
4. Sharing my feelings is not good.
5. When you're vulnerable people run.
Have I mentioned how good He is though? These are his truths.
1. He died for me, He thinks I'm worth it.
2. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." ~ James 1:17 * Again, He died for me and gave me life through him, and He wants good things for his children.
3. When I walk with him, I'm choosing to give over all my thoughts, actions, and desires to him. I will not fail with him by my side.
4. Fellowship is GOOD! When you come together with others, Jesus in the center, love, tears, and joy overflow!
5. This has taken practice, but as I keep (slowly) opening myself up and sharing, these friends are STILL here. Crazy, and new for me.
All these lies have shown me that the only way to stay safe is to close this heart of mine. Seal it, and never let it see the light of day. And honestly I thought I was pretty content with that. However, back to God wanting good things for his children, he's showing me to be vulnerable to open up. And receive love.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis
Being vulnerable absolutely terrifies me. Right up there with spiders and sharks.. haha The consequences of being vulnerable to me, were fear, rejection, and loneliness. At least that's what I thought. When I was younger I was taught that being vulnerable showed weakness. The first six years of my life was robbed of a childhood, and because of that, I learned quickly to take care of myself. That includes my heart. As I grew up, that never really changed, it only grew stronger.
But this summer Jesus is moving! I know he always has been, but it is only now that I can see it and ready to embrace it. Living in Monmouth is a gift from God!
In simple terms. I'm learning to share. I'm learning to be vulnerable. And it's scaringly, amazingly, FREEING!
Today, I came home after a hard day at work, and instead of closing myself off, and dealing with it myself I chose to share with a close friend of mine. I showed her some nitty gritty, and you know what she didn't run! She stayed and she showered me with love. I am beyond blessed by her friendship, but even more that that, I am awestruck on how Jesus is SHINING from and within her. I actually have tears in my eyes writing this, because I'm overwhelmed by His love. I don't deserve it, it's true, I sin, and make mistakes regularly, but He died for me. He took those sins, and carried them to the cross. So that I can run to Him, run to my Father, and lay everything down. Be free.
That being said, I'm still learning. When someone asks me to share, it's still hard. I still stammer, I still have a hard time looking at them and being real. I still want to close myself off and keep my heart hidden. But you know what? I'm choosing not too. I'm letting Christ give me strength, and open this fragile heart of mine.
P.S. I took the love languages quiz today. ( I highly recommend taking it) My top one was quality time. Say Whaaa? That means I enjoy spending time with people and that's how I feel love. That means being vulnerable! It definitely wasn't before. Jesus is good and he's changing my heart!
Sunday, July 12, 2015
I'm surrounded by his love:
I've seriously been blown away by the goodness of Jesus this week. One week and so much joy has been in it. One week and I've spent it with AMAZING people who choose to lift each other up and encourage each other. Now here's a small taste into this amazing, God filled, friendship full week.
He knows the desires of my heart:
This summer Jesus has been drawing me closer to Him. He's been asking me the question, "Am I enough?" You know the song, "you can have this world, just give me Jesus," that's what I've been learning. My freshmen year ended and my prayer, my longing, was to be in Monmouth. The home that I have found here is amazing. The joy I have to face the world with Jesus by my side is growing stronger everyday. The community here is full of people who reflect the love of Jesus. Anyway, as my freshmen year ended my prayer was to stay. My prayer went along the lines of, "your will be done, Lord, teach me to trust you throughout it ALL." I lay out my desires for the Lord, asking him a question, can I stay here?"
Side note: The Lord always answers! Whether it's a yes, no, or wait. He does all of this out of love. Love for his children.
Okay, that being said, I spent a few weeks, looking for work and trying to find a place to live. However as every door closed my heart grew sad. It looked like I was going home. ( I might address this later, but I did not want to go home, there was a lot of sadness and loneliness tied with being home." I didn't even consider home, "home", anymore.) As I packed up my stuff and I said goodbye to Monmouth, I thought God was saying no. Now one thing I've learned this year is that when God says no he has something way more amazing planned out for me.
Okay so now I was home, but instead of having a bad attitude and throwing a pity party for one (which I'm pretty good at throwing may I add :) ) I was determined to make this a summer of relying on God. On trusting him, and seeing what I could learn. And learn I did!
The passion that I had to dig into the word everyday was something that I had been missing. Everyday the Lord taught me more about myself, everyday I was reminded that his plan for me was more amazing than I could ever plan. Being home was scary. I struggled. Some nights I felt I was at the lowest of lows. I was bombarded my lies from the devil, I was surrounded by the darkness of the world. One night it got to the worst it had ever gotten. Now normally, when anything happens, and I mean anything, I figure it out myself. Throughout my life I've taught myself that I'm the only one who truly cares about me. That I can fight my own battles. So this night, I was prepared to do just that. Afraid, broken, and surrounded by darkness I was going to go back to relying on myself. Except umm Jesus is bigger!! He wrapped me in his arms, and told me that I couldn't fight this myself. He surrounded me with his love. ( He even sent me friends that encouraged me, who reminded me even more that I didn't have to fight it myself.)
Needless to say, I was being bombarded with lies, and Jesus was crushing each of those with his truth. I was home for one month. In one month I was learning how to rely on the only one who I can whole-heartedly rely on. Seriously, humans will disappoint you no matter how much you love them, ( actually they might disappoint you more.) Jesus doesn't, plain and simple.
Now back to this amazing week. I had opportunities to be in Monmouth for the fourth, and I jumped at the chance. Great fellowship happened, and I left Monday with even stronger friends, and more of an amazement at what He is doing in others lives as well. I was home for a few days and then I came back to Monmouth on Thursday and spent the day with these great friends again. I drove home that night for an interview the next morning. While this was happening I had heard about a job in Monmouth. To clarify, I was in Monmouth Thursday, I heard about a job, called in and said I was interested. Drove home Thursday evening, and had an interview Friday morning. I stepped out of the interview and got a voicemail saying I had the job in Monmouth. With that, I prayed, talked with my parents, and then packed my life into two tubs and drove back down to Monmouth Friday. I was still unsure about the job or where I was going to stay, I just knew that God was leading my into the unknown asking me If I could trust him.
Now here I am. In Monmouth. It still blows mind. The Lord saw the desire of my heart, He also saw that I needed to trust him more. I spent one month home, that I wouldn't trade for anything. It was hard yes, but I needed it. And now I'm here in Monmouth, so excited to see what the Lord is going to do. Every single season that the Lord has put me in has strengthened me even more. Not to say that they weren't hard, because they were! I've just learned that my God is bigger. ( no biggie:) ) He supplies my basic needs (which is amazing in itself ) and then gives me a desire in my heart.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4
"Everything I have seen, has taught me to trust in what I cannot see."
Throughout all of this, I have learned I want Jesus. I want Jesus more than I want a great life, more than I want good friendships, more than I want a relationship, more than I want safety. I want Jesus more than I care about what others think of me. I have seen what living for myself has done. Nothing good has come from it. But when Jesus is the center of my life, when I walk with him, that is where amazing things happen. I want Jesus in every aspect of my life, or I don't want it.
I have learned so much this week that I know I could never write it all, or even have it make sense. However these are a few. I've learned that EVERYONE has a story. I've learned that I LOVE hearing other people's stories. I delight in it, I love seeing how amazing my God is. I 've learned that it's okay to share your story as well. I'm still working on this one as well. I've learned to put my story in a 5 minute space. Not really showing how I feel about it. I'm working on being okay with sharing it. I'm working on understanding that people care when they ask. I'm working on being raw.
I've learned to rely on Him. He won't disappoint.
I've learned that it's okay to rely on others as well. It's okay to share. It's okay to be raw and vulnerable with people. ( I'm still learning this one..) It's okay to ask for help.
Basically, I'm learning.
He knows the desires of my heart:
This summer Jesus has been drawing me closer to Him. He's been asking me the question, "Am I enough?" You know the song, "you can have this world, just give me Jesus," that's what I've been learning. My freshmen year ended and my prayer, my longing, was to be in Monmouth. The home that I have found here is amazing. The joy I have to face the world with Jesus by my side is growing stronger everyday. The community here is full of people who reflect the love of Jesus. Anyway, as my freshmen year ended my prayer was to stay. My prayer went along the lines of, "your will be done, Lord, teach me to trust you throughout it ALL." I lay out my desires for the Lord, asking him a question, can I stay here?"
Side note: The Lord always answers! Whether it's a yes, no, or wait. He does all of this out of love. Love for his children.
Okay, that being said, I spent a few weeks, looking for work and trying to find a place to live. However as every door closed my heart grew sad. It looked like I was going home. ( I might address this later, but I did not want to go home, there was a lot of sadness and loneliness tied with being home." I didn't even consider home, "home", anymore.) As I packed up my stuff and I said goodbye to Monmouth, I thought God was saying no. Now one thing I've learned this year is that when God says no he has something way more amazing planned out for me.
Okay so now I was home, but instead of having a bad attitude and throwing a pity party for one (which I'm pretty good at throwing may I add :) ) I was determined to make this a summer of relying on God. On trusting him, and seeing what I could learn. And learn I did!
The passion that I had to dig into the word everyday was something that I had been missing. Everyday the Lord taught me more about myself, everyday I was reminded that his plan for me was more amazing than I could ever plan. Being home was scary. I struggled. Some nights I felt I was at the lowest of lows. I was bombarded my lies from the devil, I was surrounded by the darkness of the world. One night it got to the worst it had ever gotten. Now normally, when anything happens, and I mean anything, I figure it out myself. Throughout my life I've taught myself that I'm the only one who truly cares about me. That I can fight my own battles. So this night, I was prepared to do just that. Afraid, broken, and surrounded by darkness I was going to go back to relying on myself. Except umm Jesus is bigger!! He wrapped me in his arms, and told me that I couldn't fight this myself. He surrounded me with his love. ( He even sent me friends that encouraged me, who reminded me even more that I didn't have to fight it myself.)
Needless to say, I was being bombarded with lies, and Jesus was crushing each of those with his truth. I was home for one month. In one month I was learning how to rely on the only one who I can whole-heartedly rely on. Seriously, humans will disappoint you no matter how much you love them, ( actually they might disappoint you more.) Jesus doesn't, plain and simple.
Now back to this amazing week. I had opportunities to be in Monmouth for the fourth, and I jumped at the chance. Great fellowship happened, and I left Monday with even stronger friends, and more of an amazement at what He is doing in others lives as well. I was home for a few days and then I came back to Monmouth on Thursday and spent the day with these great friends again. I drove home that night for an interview the next morning. While this was happening I had heard about a job in Monmouth. To clarify, I was in Monmouth Thursday, I heard about a job, called in and said I was interested. Drove home Thursday evening, and had an interview Friday morning. I stepped out of the interview and got a voicemail saying I had the job in Monmouth. With that, I prayed, talked with my parents, and then packed my life into two tubs and drove back down to Monmouth Friday. I was still unsure about the job or where I was going to stay, I just knew that God was leading my into the unknown asking me If I could trust him.
Now here I am. In Monmouth. It still blows mind. The Lord saw the desire of my heart, He also saw that I needed to trust him more. I spent one month home, that I wouldn't trade for anything. It was hard yes, but I needed it. And now I'm here in Monmouth, so excited to see what the Lord is going to do. Every single season that the Lord has put me in has strengthened me even more. Not to say that they weren't hard, because they were! I've just learned that my God is bigger. ( no biggie:) ) He supplies my basic needs (which is amazing in itself ) and then gives me a desire in my heart.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4
"Everything I have seen, has taught me to trust in what I cannot see."
Throughout all of this, I have learned I want Jesus. I want Jesus more than I want a great life, more than I want good friendships, more than I want a relationship, more than I want safety. I want Jesus more than I care about what others think of me. I have seen what living for myself has done. Nothing good has come from it. But when Jesus is the center of my life, when I walk with him, that is where amazing things happen. I want Jesus in every aspect of my life, or I don't want it.
I have learned so much this week that I know I could never write it all, or even have it make sense. However these are a few. I've learned that EVERYONE has a story. I've learned that I LOVE hearing other people's stories. I delight in it, I love seeing how amazing my God is. I 've learned that it's okay to share your story as well. I'm still working on this one as well. I've learned to put my story in a 5 minute space. Not really showing how I feel about it. I'm working on being okay with sharing it. I'm working on understanding that people care when they ask. I'm working on being raw.
I've learned to rely on Him. He won't disappoint.
I've learned that it's okay to rely on others as well. It's okay to share. It's okay to be raw and vulnerable with people. ( I'm still learning this one..) It's okay to ask for help.
Basically, I'm learning.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Only you satisfy:
I have so much to say on this and since there's quite a bit of excitement it may be a little flustered and my thoughts might be every which way, so bare with me! :)
While hanging out with some good friends a couple days ago the book of Jeremiah was mentioned, this friend shared with us what she had been learning and the passion that she spoke with made me decide to read it. This saying I made a mental note to read it sometime and then continued on with life, honestly not really thinking twice about it. That next day I spent some time outside reading, worshiping and journaling. When this was all done I realized that I had in fact made a note to read Jeremiah.
Whoa! Knowing my memory and tendency to forgetfulness I knew that reading this book wasn't just me wanting it but God. Hmm I thought, well yeah okay I'll read Jeremiah. Not really thinking I threw out a prayer going alone the lines of "Help me learn something Lord, and keep my heart open to want you're wanting to teach me." So open my Bible I did, and that's where I was BLOWN away by who exactly he is, and who I am. The Lord chose Jeremiah to carry out his message and one of the first messages he gives Jeremiah is this, vs. 4
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.
Before you were born I set you apart and appointed
you as my prophet to the nations."
( and this isn't just truth for Jeremiah it's truth that He speaks to every single one of us. This exact verse also stated in Psalms 139, how awesome right!) Anyway, Jeremiah replies to this, with (paraphrasing here, if you want the exact words I encourage you to pick up Jeremiah ) fear, stating that he is in fact too young. Interesting... I remember thinking wow, J , we have a lot in common. However the Lord doesn't laugh and so "haha you're right I made a mistake I'll just move on to the next person." Nuh uh! He tells Jeremiah not to be afraid! why you ask? Because He will be with him. Plain and simple. As I continued reading I went along and underlined more that the Lord told Jeremiah "Do not be afraid." "You will stand against the whole land." "They will fight you but they will not fail, for I am with you, and I will take care of you. I the Lord have spoken." Can we just take a moment to realize that Jeremiah just like every one of us was AFRAID. He had fear! But instead of letting that stop him, he chose to listen to God, to his promises, and to the truth. Life is going to throw us curve balls sometimes ( I'm assuming a curve ball is bad... hahaha) however it's our choice what we choose to do with that. Will we listen to the lies that the world and the enemy is telling us, or the promise from the Lord that he will be there, and that he will in fact take care of us. Every day it's a choice, man y times we may make the wrong one, but today and everyday I will choose to let the Lord fight my battles. Okay so you see what I mean? the book of Jeremiah is a m a z i n g. Moving on to chapter two. Here's where Jeremiah is telling a message to Jerusalem from the Lord. Jerusalem has turned away from God and with that have seriously gone downhill, and fast! These people have "traded their gods for new ones." (shudder) While reading this I grew sad, recognizing some of these actions from Jerusalem in our own day and age. Then BOOM, this verse POPPED out at me. oh my goodness I'm so excited to share with y'all! " For my people have done two evil things; They have abandoned me --- the fountain of living water And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!" Instantly that verse hit my heart as hard as it could. And I gasped, out loud. Though God was speaking to Jerusalem, he was also using Jeremiah's exact words to speak to me. Now for the past year I have really started to understand what it means to thirst for him. Like the old hymn. "As a deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee." I think that helps portray the picture, on how much we need him. Any way throughout the year that has been my prayer to encounter Him and to NEVER lose this thirst I have for him. That saying, though I was familiar with "thirsting" for him, and him being our FOUNTAIN OF LIVING WATER ( I absolutely love this )I had not thought about the idea of quenching that thirst with something else. Yet being very truthful I do it often. I find something and sometimes (quite often ;( ) i put it in front of Him. I am quenching that thirst with something else! UGGHHHHHHH As I read the verse I chuckled at the stupid idea of using cracked cisterns ( think a jar or as I thought a waterbottle) to get water and drink it. It obviously wont work! Ughhh then boom I was hit again. I do that! I think that this life will quench this thirst I have form him.. when in fact, it most certainly will not. A couple days ago I went on a small adventure with my sister, before we started out we both grabbed water bottles, she filled hers with lots of ice and cold water while I chose to fill mine with regular water thinking "I'll be fine!" anyway continuing with the story, the hike was a bit intense and on the way back we both pulled out our water bottles. I immediately regretted my choice because 2 hours in a backpack and a hot summer day will turn any water bottle into a mini hot tub which is not enjoyable to drink. My sister however was at that same exact moment drinking from her cold ( might I add delicious ) water.. Of course after one sip of my water I was resigning myself to the horrible water, however my sister being the nice person that she is ( sometimes... ) gave me some of hers. Needless to say the difference between these two was vast! and it was only later that it hit me. That's what God was saying. we are choosing to fulfill this thirst with the wrong things, and hoping that it will do it's job to fill us. The Lord is standing back waiting for us to see for ourselves that he is the ONLY thing that will fill us. <
This is also amazing and helps visualize choosing the world when the Lord is waiting for us to turn to Him. - Life house skit (look up in YouTube cuz I haven't' figured out how to put a link in sorry)
Wow guys that was long, so thanks for all who kept on reading. :) All that being said, I am really enjoying reading Jeremiah, and all that I am learning, and encourage you folks to read it as well!
P.S. This might be a recurring thing but listen to " Come to Me " by Bethel Music, it'll rock your socks off.
Come to Me, I'm all you need
Come to Me, I'm your everything
I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves I am your steadfast, so don't be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you I'm your faithful strength I am with you wherever you go
Alright peace out guys, also thanks to everyone who has sent encouraging messages about this "blog." What a true blessing and encouragement y'all of been.
While hanging out with some good friends a couple days ago the book of Jeremiah was mentioned, this friend shared with us what she had been learning and the passion that she spoke with made me decide to read it. This saying I made a mental note to read it sometime and then continued on with life, honestly not really thinking twice about it. That next day I spent some time outside reading, worshiping and journaling. When this was all done I realized that I had in fact made a note to read Jeremiah.
Whoa! Knowing my memory and tendency to forgetfulness I knew that reading this book wasn't just me wanting it but God. Hmm I thought, well yeah okay I'll read Jeremiah. Not really thinking I threw out a prayer going alone the lines of "Help me learn something Lord, and keep my heart open to want you're wanting to teach me." So open my Bible I did, and that's where I was BLOWN away by who exactly he is, and who I am. The Lord chose Jeremiah to carry out his message and one of the first messages he gives Jeremiah is this, vs. 4
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.
Before you were born I set you apart and appointed
you as my prophet to the nations."
( and this isn't just truth for Jeremiah it's truth that He speaks to every single one of us. This exact verse also stated in Psalms 139, how awesome right!) Anyway, Jeremiah replies to this, with (paraphrasing here, if you want the exact words I encourage you to pick up Jeremiah ) fear, stating that he is in fact too young. Interesting... I remember thinking wow, J , we have a lot in common. However the Lord doesn't laugh and so "haha you're right I made a mistake I'll just move on to the next person." Nuh uh! He tells Jeremiah not to be afraid! why you ask? Because He will be with him. Plain and simple. As I continued reading I went along and underlined more that the Lord told Jeremiah "Do not be afraid." "You will stand against the whole land." "They will fight you but they will not fail, for I am with you, and I will take care of you. I the Lord have spoken." Can we just take a moment to realize that Jeremiah just like every one of us was AFRAID. He had fear! But instead of letting that stop him, he chose to listen to God, to his promises, and to the truth. Life is going to throw us curve balls sometimes ( I'm assuming a curve ball is bad... hahaha) however it's our choice what we choose to do with that. Will we listen to the lies that the world and the enemy is telling us, or the promise from the Lord that he will be there, and that he will in fact take care of us. Every day it's a choice, man y times we may make the wrong one, but today and everyday I will choose to let the Lord fight my battles. Okay so you see what I mean? the book of Jeremiah is a m a z i n g. Moving on to chapter two. Here's where Jeremiah is telling a message to Jerusalem from the Lord. Jerusalem has turned away from God and with that have seriously gone downhill, and fast! These people have "traded their gods for new ones." (shudder) While reading this I grew sad, recognizing some of these actions from Jerusalem in our own day and age. Then BOOM, this verse POPPED out at me. oh my goodness I'm so excited to share with y'all! " For my people have done two evil things; They have abandoned me --- the fountain of living water And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!" Instantly that verse hit my heart as hard as it could. And I gasped, out loud. Though God was speaking to Jerusalem, he was also using Jeremiah's exact words to speak to me. Now for the past year I have really started to understand what it means to thirst for him. Like the old hymn. "As a deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee." I think that helps portray the picture, on how much we need him. Any way throughout the year that has been my prayer to encounter Him and to NEVER lose this thirst I have for him. That saying, though I was familiar with "thirsting" for him, and him being our FOUNTAIN OF LIVING WATER ( I absolutely love this )I had not thought about the idea of quenching that thirst with something else. Yet being very truthful I do it often. I find something and sometimes (quite often ;( ) i put it in front of Him. I am quenching that thirst with something else! UGGHHHHHHH As I read the verse I chuckled at the stupid idea of using cracked cisterns ( think a jar or as I thought a waterbottle) to get water and drink it. It obviously wont work! Ughhh then boom I was hit again. I do that! I think that this life will quench this thirst I have form him.. when in fact, it most certainly will not. A couple days ago I went on a small adventure with my sister, before we started out we both grabbed water bottles, she filled hers with lots of ice and cold water while I chose to fill mine with regular water thinking "I'll be fine!" anyway continuing with the story, the hike was a bit intense and on the way back we both pulled out our water bottles. I immediately regretted my choice because 2 hours in a backpack and a hot summer day will turn any water bottle into a mini hot tub which is not enjoyable to drink. My sister however was at that same exact moment drinking from her cold ( might I add delicious ) water.. Of course after one sip of my water I was resigning myself to the horrible water, however my sister being the nice person that she is ( sometimes... ) gave me some of hers. Needless to say the difference between these two was vast! and it was only later that it hit me. That's what God was saying. we are choosing to fulfill this thirst with the wrong things, and hoping that it will do it's job to fill us. The Lord is standing back waiting for us to see for ourselves that he is the ONLY thing that will fill us. <
This is also amazing and helps visualize choosing the world when the Lord is waiting for us to turn to Him. - Life house skit (look up in YouTube cuz I haven't' figured out how to put a link in sorry)
Wow guys that was long, so thanks for all who kept on reading. :) All that being said, I am really enjoying reading Jeremiah, and all that I am learning, and encourage you folks to read it as well!
P.S. This might be a recurring thing but listen to " Come to Me " by Bethel Music, it'll rock your socks off.
Come to Me, I'm all you need
Come to Me, I'm your everything
I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves I am your steadfast, so don't be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you I'm your faithful strength I am with you wherever you go
Alright peace out guys, also thanks to everyone who has sent encouraging messages about this "blog." What a true blessing and encouragement y'all of been.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
One day at at time:
Hey so I'm starting a blog, and since I'm pretty new at this I may make mistakes, but isn't that the fun part? Well... here goes, at this point I'm going to start sharing with any interested a little taste into my life. The only rule I have is that I want to be raw and real. There's no reason to sugarcoat anything at least I hope not. XD
I'm simply a girl that has found Jesus, and every day is blown away by who he is and what he is teaching me. Am I new to the faith? That would be a big no, however as I have mentioned to a few of my friends, this past year has truly felt like a new awakening into who HE is and what he does for me..(which is unconditionally love me everyday). This past year has been one of the craziest times for me and now, looking back I am amazed ( and rightly so) at the very hand that God had in my life. Being the stubborn human that I am, it took stopping, and looking back to realize that. Someday I'll go more into detail into very instances that the Lord plucked me up, shook me a little (or so it seemed ) and pushed me in the right direction.
This blog is to share with y'all what I'm learning and how my mind is being blown by the creator of the universe and the author of my life. These instances might be small and trifle or they may be big moments where I made a breakthrough. ( lots of cheering )
I hope that in any way I can encourage, motivate, and help others. If all else fails though, I hope that I at least can give you a chuckle at the awkward life of Stefani Meier and maybe prevent you from making a few mistakes as well. :)
With that I want to leave you with a song that has really been touching my soul the last couple days.
"Great are you Lord" - All Sons & Daughters
- It's your breath in our lungs,
So we pour out our Praise... to YOU only.
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